The Happening
by Keep.Film.Alive
Summary: Clint's point of view. Something happened several months ago that changed the Avengers. Clint's not sure if Peter will ever recover... for the lolz because I can totally see Steve doing this


Title: The Happening

Pairing: Tony Stark and Steve Rogers

Fandom: Avengers (mix of comics and movie)

Rated: T

Clint's P.O.V.

;

It started seven months ago. None of us saw it coming. And one thing I can tell you for sure?

"Shit, I almost had it! I hate Mario Cart, I fucking lose every time!"

We all hated it.

"One dollar." Steve shoved the old jam jar in my face, this was the eleventh one we've gone through and it's already practically full.

"Oh, come on!" Cue the non-threatening-but-mildly-intimidating glare. My hand digs in my pocket and throws a buck into the damn thing. Cue the thank-you-now-stop-swearing-or-I'll-set-a-new-code-on-your-locker-and-shooting-range-and-put-you-on-house-arrest-so-you'll-be-bored-our-of-your-god-freaking-mind-for-two-weeks-again smile. Fucker. Okay, he means well, but seriously? A swear jar? Fifty cents a pop except for Tony who pays ten bucks a round? Oh, and guess who the majority of the money in those jars comes from?

"You, Logan and Tony need some soap in the mouth, this is getting absurd. There are ladies around, for crying out loud." I snorted and Steve sighed his stupid sigh and I tossed the Wii remote up without catching it to show all the fucks I give. Natasha, who was the one kicking my ass at Mario Cart once again, got on her feet, walked up to Steve, gently placed a hand on his chest and gave him a sweet little smile.

"Steve, you're a good guy, but you need to chill the fuck out with the swear jar thing." Okay, so I nearly pissed myself laughing at the look on his face when she walked away, but I do feel bad for the guy. I get it, swearing was a big deal back then and to hear a "lady" swear was just unheard of. This is all shocking to him but the dude's been around for a while now, he seriously needs to chill his jets. Actually, and honestly, why didn't I ever think of this before? Where does all that money go to anyway?

"Where does all that money go to anyway?" Who says I don't think before I speak? Steve smiled. It looked evil. Since when does Steve have an evil smile?

"My lips are sealed, Clint."

"I'd expect you to send it off to charities like Invisible Children or the Haiti fund or something, you being the golden hearted generous man you are." Spidey walked in with his mask off, looks like he just got done getting his ass handed to him by the robotic octopus dude again.

"Dija get 'em this time?" Peter glared at me over the orange juice carton he was drinking from, Steve blames me for that, and I couldn't help myself. "You know, you could just, like, I don't know, beat him for once? You are an avenger after all, it's kind of, like, you know, what we do. And you kind of suck at it." Steve caught the apple that was thrown at me and tossed it back at Peter, judging by the look of pure pain on Pete's face after it hit him on the shoulder, a bit too hard.

"That's enough you two. Clint, stop being a jerk, it's not like you have any room to talk. How's Swordsman, by the way?" God damnit.

"Fine, whatever. You still never answered the question, where does the money go to?" Steve chuckled, it sounds like an angle just crapped kittens and rainbows, the man is so damn perfect, and walked away without answering. Stupid swear jar rattling tauntingly in his stupid big hand… You know what? I need new shades. If he's not going to tell me where the money goes, fine, I can play games too. It's called 'Bitch, I want my money back' and boy, am I good at it.

;

The next morning, while I'm wrapping up my overnight shenanigans at Central, before I drop from the ceiling to scare the shit out of my last unsuspecting victim, I get a call from Tony.

"Clint, as much as I love that you had the balls to steal from Steve's swear jar, I have to admit that I'm a little stunned at how stupid you are that you would steal from Steve's swear jar." I wince before dropping from the ceiling behind a lovely young lady agent and whispering 'Boo'. She screams. She slaps me. She runs off. Story of my life.

"How'd you know it was me? Does he know it was me?"

"Honestly, Clint, I was planning on doing it sometime this week anyway. You and I tend to be on the same page when it comes to these things, so naturally I'd think of you. And no, he has no clue. I made sure of it. He really seems desperate to get that money back though, he lost what little precious sleep he already gets over it, I hope you spent it well, my friend." We both are pretty much the same personality wise, minus the no shame on his part, I've got some.

"Thanks man. I'm going to head back with Coulson, doughnuts or breakfast tacos?"

"Hold on, let me get the vote." I slide into the car with Phil and grimace when he glares at me to buckle in. "I'll text you the order. See you in a few."

"Right." I hang up and wait for the text, Phil's taste in music is actually pretty nice in the mornings. My phone vibrates and I open the new message holding back a wicked grin. Poor Phil. "Looks like we're going to Rosa's Taqueria again."

'Tony: 2 b.e.c. + hot sauce

Pepper: 1 e.c.p. + 1 b.e.c. + hot sauce

Natasha: 2 b.e.c.p.j.

Bruce: 1 e.c.

Thor: 7 b.e.c.p.j. + 4 churros + xtra tortillas + hot sauce + chips + salsa + poptarts

Peter: 4 e.c.p. + hot sauce

Steve: 2 b.e.p.

Logan: 5 b.e.c. + xtra b + hot sauce

Ororo: 1 b.e.c.

T'Challa: 1 b.e.c.

Hank: 2 e.c.p. + 1 b.e.c.

Janet: 4 e.c.p. + hot sauce

Other Hank: 3 e.c.p. + hot sauce'

;

After our lovely disaster of a breakfast, Tony kicked us out of the building for the next twelve hours so we wouldn't stink up the whole place, I realized what Tony had meant when he said Steve was acting desperate to get the money back. He wasn't begging or anything but he spent a lot of time looking frustrated and trying to figure out how to get it all back. I almost feel bad for him, if he'd just tell me where the money goes, maybe I'd pay him back, but after seven months of this crap? I'm not really feeling so forgiving.

Natasha, though, had other plans in mind. Party pooper.

So we're wrapping up after a showdown with an army of brainwashed prehistoric dinos, Steve's helping out with some civilians and I'm riding the line down the building from my post. While the few of us that stuck around finally gathered up to walk back to the copter, Tasha decides to give Cap some friendly advice.

"You know Steve, from what I can hear in my room, Tony tends to swear a lot during intercourse."

Oh. Oh god. The look. On. His. Face- PRICELESS. Wait… Waiiiit. There we go! He got it! That's my boy, I'm so proud, look at him, all flustered but flashing that devious smile. He tries so hard, he really does.

"Go get 'em tiger."

;

(The next morning)

I don't know… what the FUCK they did last night, but I could hear them from my room three stories away. And Peter, that poor kid, listening to his mom and dad go at it like gorillas all night, just the look on his face is making me want to hug him. I think he's going to be having nightmares for a while.

Steve trots into the kitchen with that smart ass grin on his lips again, he looks way too refreshed and cocky, I don't like it. Maybe Tasha will let me get revenge… Eh. Steve shoves a huge wad of cash into the jam jar and about face's when JARVIS pipes up.

"Excuse me, captain Rogers, but I believe your 'no swearing – no exceptions' rule /implies/ no exceptions… Including yourself." My little nosey side kicks in and my ears perk up. Is JARVIS suggesting…? No… No, it couldn't be…

"Heh heh, good man JARVIS. So what's the count?" Um…

"Twelve dollars, I believe." He chuckled. HE CHUCKLED. HE'S PULLING MONEY FROM HIS POCKET. HOLY FUCKING CHRIST SHIT HE PUT THE MONEY IN THE JAR. Peter is curled up under the table sobbing.

"I heard it alllll!"

"Fuck, you poor kid." My mind went blank and all I could do was crawl under the table with Pete in a comforting embrace. Steve laughs again and bends over to gain eye contact with me- which I refuse to give!

"I'm in a pretty dandy mood this morning so I'll let that one slide, Clint." Peter cracks out terrible cry and I shush at him soothingly.

"Who are you and what have you done with my mommy!"

Walking away, I had to use every muscle in my body to hold back the laughter at the words that left his mouth.

"I'm still mommy, Peter, I'm just basking in the fact that I screwed daddy semi-permanently into the bed last night. Probably won't be seeing him for the next couple days. Just fyi."


End file.
